Hello this is ben, K most of the time I can keep it together pretty well, I consider myself intelligent, creative to a fault, and positive. However, I can't stop fixating, and letting this take over my life, and family interactions- I want to scream!! sometimes..., I can't see a way out. I don't have insurance for myself, my new job was going to be my relief on that, but because of tough times is now changing stance on enrolling additional management personnel dadadada right after my second month here! I've had a couple of great conquests at work today, that usualy helps, but not today, I dropped the phone mid convo today talking to a vendor cause i fell asleep, while on three dexidrines, and a provigil, 5 coffees and only protein powder for lunch(carbs make me sleep)......... provigil and dexidrine are not doing enough, and are already taking too big a bite out of finances. we're behind like 2 months on all our bills, even though I've taken on 6-700 worth of side jobs every month, my wife does not enjoy me, spends most of her time at her moms house, or out with her friends, I dont spend enough awake time with/for my two little girls.
i'll figure it out, i always do. its just too much for too long, and I've become a little too lonely lately.. thanks for being people/ place that I do not fear getting this out in front of. Ben
I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteYou never know where your travels on the Internet will take you, and today they brought me here. I don't have narcolepsy, but my aunt does, and I remember when I was a kid she would be driving along, pull over to the side of the road, take a nap and resume driving!
ReplyDeleteBut I am sure you are not interested in her. It sounds like things are very tough for you right now and I just wanted to stop and offer good wishes and a word of encouragement.
I hope you can get a good support group going for you and get the medications and med adjustments that you need.
God bless.
I hope today was a better day. It may take awhile to get the support group going. Perhaps most PWNs are struggling and it may be hard at first to incorporate a new thing. But keep pursuing it.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are having such problems. Narcolepsy is a strange thing. My Uncle had it and looking back now, my mother probably did also. They were able to treat my Uncle fairly well, although he was no longer able to drive. I do hope you find something to take that will make your life easier. Is there a med center close by that is also a teaching hospital? That would be a good place to start if you don't have insurance. Excellent physicians teaching others. You would be in good hands if so. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteSounds rough. Read your post back, man, it sounds to me like you are expecting way too much of yourself.
ReplyDeleteI know a guy who was in a similar situation years ago. They went through some hard times, lost their house. It was bad. Finally he got on disability. But the thing that turned their situation around was the wife got a job with benefits. This not only helped their family financially, and helped him get his medical needs taken care of, but the wife underwent a complete change! She went from a whiny, demanding person everybody just kind of babied to a happy, woman who was proud of her accomplishments. I was really impressed. My friend stumbled around a bit before he found the activities he could do that were productive and helpful to the family. And he started out kind of male chauvinist about housework and had to get over that to be fair to his wife as she was now the major breadwinner. They raised 4 kids happy and well adjusted and are still together having weathered some rough storms.
I'm telling you this as I think in your situation you may not see solutions, and are afraid of going through some of the scary things that can happen when someone has a chronic illness.
But you sound like a guy who is resourceful and optimistic (most of the time), and I'll be following to see how this progresses and to offer encouragement.
Hey, I just read my comment back, and wanted to clarify: telling you my friend's story, I wasn't suggesting your wife is anything like his. Or that you are a chauvinist. Just that sometimes things work out well even if it a struggle.
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